Happy Valentine’s Day And The Reasons Why I Had Sex

Today is St. Valentine’ s Day and I am not quite sure how to feel about Valentine’s Day. I have never been sure. On the 14th of February, it does not seem to matter which way you turn. There is no escaping the red roses, pink hearts and lip shaped chocolates. Well, today I was caught in one of those moments when I did not have much to do, and so I decided to write a list of every woman I have ever had sex with. Weird huh?

Have You Ever Been Crazy/ Drunk In Love?

Drunk In Love is still one of my favorite songs. How did Beyoncé’s hook go? We woke up in the kitchen saying, “How the hell did this shit happen?” Oh baby, drunk in love. We be all night. Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding up in the club. Drunk in love. We be all night, love, love. We be all night, love, love. Enough of the singing already?

My Thoughts On Love

I dedicate this post to my dear Facebook friends, twitter followers and blog readers who have found Love. There are so many different kinds of love. Love for your family, love for your pets, love for your friends and even love for the Kooko seller that makes your kooko every morning.

We experience it, but we may not always appreciate all the love in our daily lives, especially when we find ourselves alone, seeking that one love, the ROMANTIC Love.

Why Are You Single? #Love

If you have been following my writing for the last couple of weeks, you would realize, I have been writing more about relationships. (Don’t ask me why though, or else, tears will stream down my cheeks.)

For sometime now, I have been wondering why I am single and not dating. Have you wondered that too? Have you wondered why, most if not all your close friends have stable relationships and you are somewhat like the black sheep of the group?

Are You The Cheater Or The Cheatee? #LovePost

There are two sides to every relationship. Believe it or not, you have the cheater (the person who does all of the cheating) and then you have the cheatee (the person who gets cheated on.) I posed this question a few days ago: Is there a such thing as faithfulness in a relationship these days? A lot of people lied and said yes, but I don’t believe that.  With guys having wives, baby mothers, main girls and side girlfriends,  and females settling for being the side chick or his main girl, do relationships between only two people exist anymore? 

Diary Of A Ghanaian Househelp: E04 I AM INNOCENT!!

Dear Diary,
Today is Tuesday, 15th April and I have missed you so much. I know you are wondering why we have not had a chat in a while. Yes, I know, it has been exactly 50 days since I last made an entry into you. Hmmmm, it’s not my doing, not at all.

5 Signs He/She Is Not Into You Anymore #Love

Love is waking everyday with that one person on your mind. Love is courageous, breaking all barriers and not caring what people think. It is like a drug that people with money can not buy. It puts you on a high that you don’t want to get down from. It makes your problems disappear. It makes life worth living. Love is everything and nothing less. It makes you happy and therefore makes everyone around you happy. Love is contagious.
Women tend to make an effort when it comes to love than men. So they are more likely to spot when a man is not interested in them anymore, but for those who are “blinded” by love and they can not spot those signs, I am here to help them. This is a free relationship counseling session.. Sorry ladies and gentlemen, it happens, when you first met, the two of you had excellent chemistry, but just recently you started seeing signs that he/she is no longer interested in you.

The Party

I still feel guilty about what happened that night. I will feel guilty, every single day, for the rest of my life and so I will try and put it into writing as vividly as possible to clear my head over it, but I know that is not going to be possible.
Hi, I am Kwaku and the following events actually took place somewhere:

She was the most beautiful thing I had ever set my eyes on. She had it all.. The hips, the boobs and her smile was wonderful. I had always orgled about her anytime we were at lectures and now here am I staring at her from the other room at the Level 400s Graduation Party. I have been day and night dreaming about her right from Level 100. That a total of 8 semesters, 4 years and tonight was the night. The night to finally let the fear go away and approach her.. and maybe if my luck shone, I could get her to warm my bed later tonight..

From where I was standing and observing, I could sense she was feeling extremely uncomfortable at this party. She probably had not been exposed to so many people drinking alcohol, smoking weed, swimming half nude and partying the night away. Her friends called her ‘Virgin Mary” behind her back. Maybe that was the real reason, I was so attracted to her: her freshness, her naivety at certain pleasurable things of life.. Still standing and watching as Naomi approached Angela. Naomi could also tell “Virgin Mary” was uncomfortable at this party..

Their body language gave their conversation away. I guess Naomi was telling Angela to relax, have fun and make new friends and Angela was probably asking why Naomi brought her to the party anyway.. Naomi walked away- gesturing her hand in the typical lady fashion.

This was my time to strike. I walked to the mini bar and requested for a glass of fruit juice. The barman for the night, Kwame ( my classmate) was insisting on mixing with the glass of fruit juice with a little alcohol.. I refused his offer to his shock and amusement. “You don’t drink anymore?” “This drink is not mine, its for a friend” I grabbed it and then I walked towards her.
She was still standing there, visibly confused about the amorous activities happening around her. How could Naomi bring her over here? “Hi” – “Hello” “I was standing over there and I saw, you dropped something?” “That is an old pickup line dude.. I say what did I drop? and then you would say conversation”

She was going to be difficult than I expected but her confidence level was high.. “Okay, you got me there. I am Kwaku and you must be Angela” “How did you know my name?” “I was in your class” “Okay, is that why you walked up to me?” “No. I have been watching you for the last  20 minutes and I thought you needed a glass of  fruit juice?” “Is it laced with alcohol or drugs?” “Oh, no… I am a gentleman” “Thank you, Mr Stalker”

“Can we sit somewhere and talk?” “Okay.. Outside would be cool- there is so much noise over here anyway” My plan seemed to be working perfectly.. I smiled at her, held her hands as we tried moving through the thick  party crowd to the door.

We walked outside to a quiet place and started talking. We spoke about everything- from Archaeology to Zoology, It was amazing how we clicked instantly, and we shared some common interests and hobbies such as music, gaming, politics and sports. I was having so much fun talking to her.. She was the one.. I had the feeling.

I excused myself to go get more fruit juice. As Kwame was making the juice, I turned around and like a bolt of lightening, three guys had torn Naomi’s seductive dress and pushed her into  the pool.. She was virtually naked as the guys fondled her amidst her screams for help.. I did not know whether her shouts were genuine because it actually looked she was kinda laughing and enjoying the exploration of her body. She was simply crying wolf. Two other guys jumped into the pool to rescue her..  And then it hit me.. Oh My God! I left Angela outside.

I was struggling to push myself through the large crowd to get to the door. The noise was still extremely loud and the alcohol I had taken earlier while watching Angela from the other room was started kicking in. My eyes were heavy. I felt dizzy, whilst still trying to push my way through the crowd. I got to the door after so much pushing, pulling and shoving. I looked up to the spot where I left Angela only to see three boys had surrounded her and there was one guy on top of her..
I ran  towards them, with all the strength left in me somehow still holding the glass of fruit juice in one hand..  I could hear her screaming  for help.. She was so helpless.. Screaming and Crying..

The 3 boys watching the act (2 of them had turns on her already), saw the speed at which I was coming towards them and bolted leaving the perpetrator to continue with the act. I got closer and in a flash, he was unconscious with his head bleeding. In my panic, I used the glass to hit to his head, but I did not care. I tried lifting Angela up, but her knees were too weak. “Are you okay?” Angela did not respond. She was too weak and traumatized to say anything.

The anger in me was stirred up. I walked back towards his almost lifeless body. His face was down and I asked him to turn over. “Rapist! Turn over and lemme see your God forsaken face” He tried turning.. He did manage to do a 90 degree turn to his side. The fire in my eyes was red hot. I was filled with so much rage. You Monster! Animal!!. He was pleading for his life but I was not bothered.  I kicked him continuously in the groin and stomach.. And that is when the police arrived..

Fast Forward 8 months later and I am here, sitting in this prison cell, condemned to life imprisonment for killing Jason. Condemned to waste away and die for accidentally killing Jason The Rapist. Newspapers reported the Court’s judgement as a perversion on the Judicial System, but hey.. It was too late. Jason’s dad was hell burnt on putting me behind bars for killing his son and he has achieved his aim..

I feel guilty but not guilty. A part of me feels Jason deserved to die. Another part also feels, it was all a mistake and I could have walked away.. The things we do for love.. Angela has overcome her traumatic gang rape experience and is now fighting my imprisonment with every vein in her. Naomi left the party that night carrying a baby. Till date, nobody knows who the real father is.. The 3 other boys (Accomplices) were never apprehended. They are still at large as we speak.

God Save My Soul..

Diary Of A Ghanaian Househelp: E03 Intentions

Dear Diary,
Today is 23th February. Well, I was sitting in the living room earlier today, watching television with a glass of juice in one hand. There was nothing positive showing on television except for those music videos with girls in seductive clothes, shaking their bum-bum. But I was enjoying myself. It was such a refreshing feeling- the feeling of feeling like Madam in her absence. The music from the television was extremely loud and so I did not hear the car horn toot its way into the house. Abaga, the watchman at the gate failed to alert me but my instincts were right. Madam and Uncle had arrived.

Come and see speed. Even Usain Bolt got nothing on me. I quickly put off the television, emptied the remaining contents of the glass in the kitchen sink and then ran towards the gate all in the space of 60secs. Pretty Fast Huh? Madam together with her husband had just returned from the Shopping Mall but all did not seem or look calm. Maybe they had one of their usual family arguments on their way back because as I tried to help Madam with her bag, she brushed me off and walked angrily into the house! See me, see trouble..

“Akua- come over here and help me with the stuff in the boot?” That was Mr Sackey’s voice. He has been very nice to me and he treats me like I am his daughter. He opened the car boot and then I carried a very heavy box out of the boot and headed for the main entrance. Uncle Sackey then chipped in, that He had bought something special for me and I should see him later for it..

Come see me smiling plenty plenty. “Oh Thank You Uncle. God Bless You” “Hold The blessings Akua for now, maybe if you like what I got for you, then you can start showing appreciation” I started feeling awkward but I brushed the awkwardness away and made my way into the house. Not even madam and her tantrums could ruin my happiness. I later found out that, the heavy box was a Baby Cot for Justin- Madam’s baby.. Hmmmm.. See the way, the rich spoil their kids. Come see baby, enjoying baby cot all around the place.

I retired to the kitchen for the next two hours preparing supper for the family and still thinking about the present or maybe presents, Uncle got for me. I like the man. He is very handsome and gentle and sometimes, I think Christie (Oh Yeah, I have called that witch by her first name!) does not deserve him. Abaga who has known the family for a very long time, said Uncle was forced to marry Christie after her parents found out, she was carrying his baby to prevent shame on their family name.

I served the family at 6pm and then went back to the Kitchen to eat my own food. For some strange reason, Madam did not join the family and retired early to bed. That was when it happened:

Uncle Sackey called me to the living room after 8pm to show me the gifts he got me. “Look in the bag and then tell me if you like them” Eagerly I did and it was bras and some thin threadlike panties which he called “G-String” “Eiiii Ewurade Yesu. G- What? How could he buy these kind of items for me? What was he trying to say or imply? Or he has been spying my undergarments when I wash and hang them on the drying line?

“Do you like them, Akua?” I did not respond. I was shocked. Maybe that caused my sudden dumbness. “Do you like them?” He repeated his question again. “Uncle, honestly I do not know what to say?” “What to say about what??” I turned around to see Auntie Christie staring directly at me.. “Can somebody please tell me what the hell is going on here?”

Uncle got up calmly from his seat, held her hands, looked her in the eye, and started kissing her all over. “Why are you still standing there? Stupid Maid!!”  I disappeared to my room with the bag. I was damn lucky Madam was not smart or observant enough to ask about the contents in the bag. He called them- “His intention gift”

“Very Funny Uncle Sackey. I am not interested in sleeping with you” – I kept repeating to myself. I must return his gifts back to him tomorrow morning and say a BLATANT NO TO HIM! Meanwhile in the living room, I knew Uncle Sackey had cleverly lied to Madam. And speaking of the devil- “Akua!” “Akua!” ‘Madam!” I ran back to the living room.. “Oh dear, I am sorry for my earlier outburst- I did not know my husband and you were planning a surprise party for me”

The confusion on my face was clearly visible and I could see laughter forming on the corner of Uncle’s mouth. Maybe I should start calling him by his first name John, because after tonight- I have officially lost all respect for him.. I miss my mother. I miss her wise counsel in situations like this. Lord, Please be my Guide.

@isavedhersoul on twitter and please don’t keep the comments in your head and thank you for taking time off to read..

Diary Of A Ghanaian Househelp: E02 Breaking Plates

Dear Diary,
I was standing by the kitchen sink. Washing the dirty dinner plates and I was trying to be extremely careful because I knew fully well that Auntie Christie would be unable to replace one of these expensive plates if I got it broken.
I put on the tap, put the plate under the flowing water when it hit me. The breeze coming through the kitchen window, hit me and past memories came to life.Memories of him, Memories of Us.  James. He who took my whole being. Him. The one I never saw again.

It was a cool Friday afternoon. James had been trying to woo me for a few weeks and I must admit, he was everything I wanted. He was fair in complexion and tall. He always brought me grass cutters from the bush whenever he went hunting with his friends. He was a man. A real man. All the boys in the village envied him and he was the village ladies man.

That day, I was returning home after visiting a few friends. On my way back, he met me along the path and held my hand. God! I felt happiness within my body. He dragged me along a bush path. He kept telling me that I was going see something I had never seen before. I followed him obediently like a puppy. I wanted to be alone with him. Forever. Have him all to myself.
He took to a small open field with grass. A place where we could do anything, we wanted without getting caught.  I was still staring at his face. He kissed me and Oh My God, I was elated. I was blinded by his love. His lips consumed my lips in a rush. My head exploded. I wanted more. We did not say words to each other.  He held my breasts and pressed the firmly. He pressed his body against mine. Oh My God! I wanted more- more of him.. I held him tighter to my body because my knees felt too weak.  He took his hands down slowly to the lower region of my body. I felt excitement. “James! St——-!” The words could not even come out.

James wanted more but I could not give him more. I wanted to. But I could not. I just could not give him my body. I was raised a Christian. I promised God and my mother that I would wait until marriage.
We sat under a tree that day and watched the sun set. I was in love with James and there was nothing anybody could say or do about it..

The next day, I left for Accra. Without even saying goodbye to the boy of my dreams. Oh. How I miss him. He was my first kiss. On that cool Friday..

*the plate slipped from my hand as I tried to wipe away my tears*
It fell from my hand and shattered into tiny pieces.. Auntie Christie heard the sound from the Main Hall and rushed to the Kitchen.. “What happened here?” Madam screamed.. “It was an accident” I tried explaining.. “An accident?” “Stupid Girl! Foolish Girl, you broke a plate worth $1000 and you say its an accident?” “You are a witch just like your poor mother in the village”

Oh no Auntie! Diary, I received a heavy slap for breaking the plate. Auntie Christie has really changed. I do not know why though. She has become extremely cold towards me. She insults me and my mother all the time and on three occasions, I went to bed on an empty stomach. I miss my mother. I know she is praying for me 😥 I miss James but what can I do? Nothing!! I feel like leaving..All I have is you Diary. You are my best friend.

It is @isavedhersoul on twitter and please don’t keep the comments in your head. Say something.