God looked at Himself in one of the heavenly mirrors and said “I am good looking”, so He said “Let us make man in our image”, and the angels started making man in His reflection in the mirror, but God was like “no, not that image”
I know you are probably wondering what is going on with me and why I chose to write this post? Well some people said, I have lost my funny bone. Truth is, I have not lost my touch. Being funny is not easy but I am trying and I still have so many jokes and jests in store for you my avid readers.
Today, I shall be touching on a certain topic. A man has gotta do what a man has gotta do. So, have you boys ever wondered what kinda girl you want to be with? A lot of us are quick to say we want the godly, good looking, home trained kinda girl while some of us want the bad girl (The Kim Kardasian in nature) Whatever you want, there are basically four types of girls in this world and it is my responsibility to introduce you to them. Whatever!
Guys, I know most of you love football so I will be relating these women to the teams we know in the English Premier League as the “Top Four” teams. Say hello to the Manchester United girl, The Manchester City girl, The Chelsea girl and The Arsenal girl. Rolling… Action!!!
The Manchester United Girl:
The girls in this category are used to having things go their way. They are basically winners at life and have had quite a good upbringing. These girls are often very beautiful and classy. Most of them have had a wonderful dating history and as such expect to date other quality guys. If your girl is a Manchester United fan, chances are that, she expects you to be on top of situations and very competitive. The Manchester United girls do not accept losing as an option which is why they likely won’t date you if you are a “nobody”. Please don’t get me wrong, they can decide to roll with you for a while but when they see that you are not up to par, they bounce. They are maybe not after your money or anything. They are in for the fun and they can still chill with or without your help. If you are a guy with self-esteem and insecurity issues, you might want to consider avoiding these kind of girls and find someone in your “league”. Girls, adey lie?
The Manchester City Girl:
These ones are basically gold diggers. Let’s call a spade a spade. These girls are in it for the money. The thing is they don’t even like to ball on small money, these girls are out for the big time fraud barons, Ministers of state and rich sugar daddies.. Oh so you think, you drive a Camry or a Honda and so you think you can bang one of these Man City Girls? Hahaha…you are funnier than me. Trips to the United States, Shopping in London and honeymoon in Paris are just some of the necessities of their life. These girls are quite competitive and love to win. They will go any distance to get what they want irrespective of who gets hurt. Basically, they don’t play fair. Boys, if you are dating or attempting to date one of these, you better have a surname that ends with Gates, Mahama, Banda or billions of dollars in your Swiss account somewhere. If they get with you and see you are not delivering results, they would dump you so fast, Usain Bolt will have nothing on you.
The Chelsea Girl:
The “Started from the bottom, now we are here” girls. These girls are mostly ”attachers”. Some time ago, they were nowhere, and then all of a sudden, they came in contact with some old man millionaire and BOOM! Levels change. They are somehow similar to the Man City girl, in that they are money driven but the difference is that, they have got class. The Chelsea type babes are mostly “dirty” but they have been touched by some money and the money somehow “cleaned them up” The truth however remains that, they don’t change their ruffian character and they will break a beer bottle on your head at the slightest provocation. Yes beer, they drink beer. Would I advise you to date a Chelsea girl? Would I advise you to get knocked down by a Long Vehicle?
The Arsenal Girl:
These ones are very beautiful. They possess a sense of style and are graceful in all they do, from their movement to the way they talk. Yes, they have natural swag. But, on the flip side, they can be jokes at times. The Arsenal girls are more concerned with keeping up appearances and what society will think or say about their actions. Most Arsenal girls end up as side chicks because of this behavior. Their boyfriends love them for real and want them to change but they rarely do. I must point out that they are very prudent, they don’t spend anyhow and would most likely remain faithful and true to their guys no matter, his social status..
So there we have it, the top four girl types. The fact still remains that, these same characteristics are typical of the football clubs they represent. Did I make you laugh or smile? If I did, share your thoughts in the comment box below. Thank you for reading..
Everywhere I go, be it school, church, pub, public place- people are listening to music. Earpieces everywhere. Music is food for the soul and Music is Passion. I totally agree with the previous two thoughts. In Ghana though, the up and coming artistes can equal, the sand at the Labadi Beach. Everyday, new tracks, new links are posted on Facebook walls and pages. New CDs, Albums, Mixtapes.
In Ghana, music is not really commercially sold on the streets. Nobody will buy it. We always want free stuffs. The artistes daily breads’ relies heavily on personal investments (record labels, clothing lines), shows and endorsement deals from Brands <del>(Companies)</del> Sakordie is killing it, D-Black is doing his thing, Efya, Becca, D-Cryme, Samini, FOKN Bois, Bisa Kdei, 4X4, VIP and many more artistes are all lifting high the flag of Ghana worldwide
How to become like any of the above artistes is simple. Follow the steps below and trust me, You will be performing at Ghana Music Awards 2014.
1. Get A Cool Name.
Create a cool name. Instead of calling yourself Rebecca- make it Becca. Jane Awindor is too boring- be crafty (Efya) or maybe you love cartoons so much, so you can do with Captain Planet, Scooby Doo or something like that. Just be creative- Dee Money, D-Black, Joey B and Bisa Kdei (still boring to me), Okyeame Kwame. Errm, by the way, D’Banj’s real name is Dapo Oyebanjo. You get step one? Good!
2. Use Autotune
Seriously, If you don’t have the natural voice to sing, the White Man has developed something called “auto-tuning”. Go to the studio, tell the Beat Maker, “please, I want auto-tune”. He will gladly do it for you and in no time, you will be sounding like T-Pain ( the most shiny example)
3. Get a catchy chorus and repeat certain keywords in the sound throughout- It works!
Use words not found in the English Dictionary. Just talk, say something that goes with the beat. Shout “eh eh eh eh.” “You Say Wetin? “That’s all. “Ayi” “Ayi” Ayi” “efr3 ni mu”- classical example to me, (Criss Waddle’s Song) None sense track, but the chorus was good. “Shake Your Pampanaa for me ooo” Thats all. This step has many examples- I can not mention all- D’Banj- Oliver Twist, Iyanya- Your Waist. Tinny- Anaconda, VIP- Pampanaa etc etc
4. Use Pidgin
This step is linked heavily to the one above it. Use pidgin. Say something in Pidgin, otherwise, nobody will listen to the song- “She dey wash me like Omo” (Captain Planet- London Bridge.) You see, without this step, you would not be a hit. No dictionary words like I said earlier- Just nonfa. Pure nonfa and your name will be on everybody’s lips.
You should be ready to pay big to get your track on air. If you are a girl, maybe- money really won’t be needed. Just a little something. No money- No star! That is the motto. I have heard of several rumours in the Ghana Music Industry and since, they are just “rumours”, I intend to treat them as such by not mentioning them.
Don’t mind those Mentor, Vodafone Icons, X-Factor People. What do they know about music?? I have given you all the steps you need. And the producers who produce those “things” called music- I have just one question for them- How does it feel listening to someone saying nonfa, gibberish and a mix of nonsensical shoutings in your studios? Don’t you ever get bored or something?
I leave you now with the song, I have been playing all day. Its D Black- Change Your Life.