Rules Of Engagement For Fighting On Facebook #Funny

What’s up with everyone?
I have noticed for a while now, that a lot of people are beefing on Social Media especially on my FB News feed. So today guys, we are just going to talk about the Do’s and Don’ts of Facebook Fights and Facebook Scandals. I have been laughing out loud at the some of the guys beefing over who is more FB FAMOUS, Who is fake? and their supporters( friends) have joined in this craze. Continue reading

Fears Of A Ghanaian Christian

I was born into a Presbyterian family, and as a little boy, I went to Sunday School. I probably went because, I thought it was just what you did on Sundays. At that tender age, I perfected my recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, mastered many hymns, sang praise and worship songs, and I was the best in my Sunday School class, when it came to “Draw Your Swords”. It was like a school, except that, this school had no pressure of getting As, nor was there, any report cards sent to your parents detailing all the demons that had been cast from you.
Continue reading

Boys, What Is Your Taste In Women? #Funny

I know you are probably wondering what is going on with me and why I chose to write this post? Well some people said, I have lost my funny bone. Truth is, I have not lost my touch. Being funny is not easy but I am trying and I still have so many jokes and jests in store for you my avid readers.

Today, I shall be touching on a certain topic. A man has gotta do what a man has gotta do. So, have you boys ever wondered what kinda girl you want to be with? A lot of us are quick to say we want the godly, good looking, home trained kinda girl while some of us want the bad girl (The Kim Kardasian in nature) Whatever you want, there are basically four types of girls in this world and it is my responsibility to introduce you to them. Whatever!

Guys, I know most of you love football so I will be relating these women to the teams we know in the English Premier League as the “Top Four” teams. Say hello to the Manchester United girl, The Manchester City girl, The Chelsea girl and The Arsenal girl. Rolling… Action!!!

The Manchester United Girl:
The girls in this category are used to having things go their way. They are basically winners at life and have had quite a good upbringing. These girls are often very beautiful and classy. Most of them have had a wonderful dating history and as such expect to date other quality guys. If your girl is a Manchester United fan, chances are that, she expects you to be on top of situations and very competitive. The Manchester United girls do not accept losing as an option which is why they likely won’t date you if you are a “nobody”. Please don’t get me wrong, they can decide to roll with you for a while but when they see that you are not up to par, they bounce. They are maybe not after your money or anything. They are in for the fun and they can still chill with or without your help. If you are a guy with self-esteem and insecurity issues, you might want to consider avoiding these kind of girls and find someone in your “league”. Girls, adey lie?

The Manchester City Girl:
These ones are basically gold diggers. Let’s call a spade a spade. These girls are in it for the money. The thing is they don’t even like to ball on small money, these girls are out for the big time fraud barons, Ministers of state and rich sugar daddies.. Oh so you think, you drive a Camry or a Honda and so you think you can bang one of these Man City Girls? Hahaha…you are  funnier than me. Trips to the United States, Shopping in London and honeymoon in Paris are just some of the necessities of their life. These girls are quite competitive and love to win. They will go any distance to get what they want irrespective of who gets hurt. Basically, they don’t play fair. Boys, if you are dating or attempting to date one of these, you better have a surname that ends with Gates, Mahama, Banda or billions of dollars in your Swiss account somewhere. If they get with you and see you are not delivering results, they would dump you so fast, Usain Bolt will have nothing on you.

The Chelsea Girl:
The “Started from the bottom, now we are here” girls. These girls are mostly ”attachers”. Some time ago, they were nowhere, and then all of a sudden, they came in contact with some old man millionaire and BOOM! Levels change. They are somehow similar to the Man City girl, in that they are money driven but the difference is that, they have got class. The Chelsea type babes are mostly “dirty” but they have been touched by some money and the money somehow “cleaned them up” The truth however remains that, they don’t change their ruffian character and they will break a beer bottle on your head at the slightest provocation. Yes beer, they drink beer. Would I advise you to date a Chelsea girl? Would I advise you to get knocked down by a Long Vehicle?

The Arsenal Girl:
These ones are very beautiful. They possess a sense of style and are graceful in all they do, from their movement to the way they talk. Yes, they have natural swag. But, on the flip side, they can be jokes at times. The Arsenal girls are more concerned with keeping up appearances and what society will think or say about their actions. Most Arsenal girls end up as side chicks because of this behavior. Their boyfriends love them for real and want them to change but they rarely do. I must point out that they are very prudent, they don’t spend anyhow and would most likely remain faithful and true to their guys no matter, his social status..

So there we have it, the top four girl types. The fact still remains that, these same characteristics are typical of the football clubs they represent. Did I make you laugh or smile? If I did, share your thoughts in the comment box below. Thank you for reading..

TheGhanaianBoy
@isavedhersoul

Ghanaian Politics

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The truth is, I love politics. I developed that love affair with politics during my early teenage years. In the early 2000s, I sat with my uncle often, to listen to The BBC World Service. I enjoyed listening to the major political talking points of the day and at the same time, I used that period in my life, to hone my debating skills. In Senior High School, I argued politics a lot. I was even nominated and voted FB Politician Of The Year By Awel Sinare in 2012 but these days, I try as much as possible to stay clear of party political arguments with my friends and on social media platforms.
Occasionally though, I still tune in to different Radio Political talk shows to hear diverse opinions about the current economic and energy crises in Ghana.

Politics affect our daily lives in every way. Our decision or indecision on Dec 7th, affects our lives for the next 4 years. Who we vote for, plays a significant role in how we live our lives because, who we vote for affects the shape of the economy, foreign policy, military and the country’s major services.These days, the kind of politics I engage myself in is where I want really want to see, how my vote on Dec 7th has affected my people in their daily lives.

The madness on social media when it comes to politics is sickening. Ghanaians treat politics like they treat the football clubs they keenly support around the world. They hang on to their team, loss after loss, successive changes of managers and even relegation simply because it is their team- Whether do or die.
The way Ghanaians insult, curse, threaten hell fire and brimstone on themselves in the comment section on the FB Pages of the two main political parties in Ghana is not funny at all..

I have grown weary of hearing the half baked promises from people, who I am sure start out with good intentions but they end up filling the pockets of the few, rich pot bellied men in society and leave the majority of Ghanaians to suffer in abject poverty.  They are swayed off their feet with corruption and conflicts of interest. And they have propagandists all across the country, sitting in radio stations defending their actions and inactions. And this weariness I speak of, cuts across the political divide in Ghana..

No political party in Ghana has a clean record. Lets face it. Both major political parties in Ghana have been rocked with corrupt scandals and party infighting. I am not a member of any particular political party. The best man for the job will get my vote in 2016. It is as simple as that.. I will shift my attention to the party with a more beneficial manifesto for the Ghanaian People..

Political loyalty does not work for me anymore. The NPP has a strong Akan base, whilst the NDC’s world bank is the Volta Region, where the Ewes originate from. Lets not try to mince words about this fact. Ghanaians are so divided along ethnic and political lines, and this insanity is as a result of the tribal politics, which I really want to stay away from.

Politicians convince the many to vote for the few to enjoy, and the few come back 4 years later and seek re-election.
Well, well, well, ECG- Electricity Company Of Ghana (Extremely Confused Ghanaians) has brought the electricity bill for March 2014 and the amount staring in my face is a “started from the bottom, now we here” amount. The load shedding, inconsistent water supply, inflation, and the depreciation of the cedi, high transport fares, are all problems of the day.

Whether we will recover from these problems, I don’t know, but the Umbrella still has 2 years left off its mandate to deliver its manifesto promises. And until then,  I am cutting down on the number of kenkey balls I eat. Food is becoming too expensive these days.

Politics is one hell of a “profession”.

TheGhanaianBoy
@isavedhersoul.

Yvonne Nelson’s Cocoa Butter And Other Musings

Whats up with everyone?
In 2013, I saw a tweet where Yvonne Nelson threatened to block someone for teasing her about the Cocoa butter bleaching saga and the culprit just replied with: “Go and get more mortar and cement for this block” Lmfao! That was a deep, funny reply.. Yvonne Nelson promptly countered it with “YOUR ASS IS BLOCKED!! and I am sure the dude is still resting in her twitter block list till date.

There was also a tweet where a girl wrote “Who else thinks @JamesBlunt voice sucks?” James Blunt himself replied with “I knew my voice sucked until it made me millions of dollars” Another deep reply to shut the girl up.

Pokello (from Big Brother Africa and girlfriend of Elikem) recently wrote a long speech supposedly directed at a certain Instagram user who kept commenting under Pokello’s photos with her sex tape issue.. Pokello really gave it to her. Lord Forgive me, if I try to repeat some of the explicit words Pokello used on the girl.. PG 13+ is advised..

Also, one of the P-Square brothers tweeted something about welcoming someone on bored. The correct spelling should have been board. Someone else tweeted in response, “Rich but lacks education”. The P-Square twin promptly blocked him.

There are countless examples of Celebrity and Fan moments of madness. The WanLov Da Kubolor Facebook photo captions which always attract insults and curses upon his head, Ghanaian twitter users constantly teasing underground and mainstream artistes and the way we laugh at the English of The Black Players during pre and post match conferences.  The list is endless but why do some people consistently seem to look for ways to knock down celebrities? It really baffles me.

Why do people always want to look for ways to mock and tease celebrities? Those people wear the best clothes, walk on red carpets, get interviewed on regular basis, win industry awards, sell their talent for large amounts of money, perform to sold out crowds, spend weekends in the choicest locations and hotels worldwide, cover magazine and spreads, and you still want to laugh at them for committing simple grammatical errors or because their English is not that great?

I thought the same with the Yvonne Nelson tweet. Yvonne Nelson may not be the most eloquent actress on our television screens, and lets just assume, she has bleached her skin with Cocoa Butter but she  has starred in so many top notch movies, won a handful of Movie Industry Awards, has a Yvonne Nelson Glaucoma Foundation and even 3 year old kids recognize her on our television screens. We mock her, and then when we are done, we buy ‘Princess Tyra” movie disc and watch in the comfort of our homes, reinforcing the success of her brand and helping to make her even richer. Who is the bigger loser?

I am not talking about good natured teasing and little sarcasm. Those are perfectly normal and should even be expected. If you are a celebrity and no one is poking fun at you, that means you are not yet visible, but the aggression, unnecessary mockery and insults, threats and so on…

Well, that one in my opinion, is more reflective of the speaker than the one spoken of. I just felt like putting that out there.

The next topic up for discussion is Bishop TD Jakes, Tyler Perry, the million dollars and the anointing. I recently read a news article about Tyler Perry met Bishop TD Jakes, gave him a 1 million dollar donation and then, Tyler Perry requested to to lay his lands on him ( Bishop TD Jakes). Anyway in the comments section, some people were arguing about whether it was proper or not and so on and so forth and some people made comments to the effect that “Well, I am an average person, would TD Jakes let me lay hands on him? I bet he would not, Tyler Perry donated $1 million dollars and so TD Jakes let him, it was purely mercenary”

I want to share my opinion on this:
Tyler Perry might have gotten that access because of his position, but that does not make TD Jakes mercenary. It is very courteous that,  if you are meeting someone that you admire or seek access to, you put together a gift (not a bribe please) to help make the right impression. A lot of Companies send gift cards, hampers etc etc to their cherished customers and clients every now and then. So what is the big deal?

My point is, any way you choose to look at it, it is life – these days, access is created based on what you carry everywhere. Bill Gates can make a request of any government in the world and see it granted, simply because of the immense weight and wealth he carries. Even as we are, there are certain people who have more access in our lives than others, simply because of their position on our personal scale.

Was TD Jakes so overwhelmed by the $1 million dollars cheque that he was willing to let Tyler Perry do anything he felt like? I do not think so. But did Tyler Perry’s gift create an opportunity or a chance for him to do something out of the ordinary? I believe so deeply.

I do not wish to get close enough to TD Jakes to lay hands on him, but I do intend to try and hone my gift giving skills to the extent that when I need to walk into certain circles or have to get something done, I will be assured that those doors of access will be opened to me. Simple and short!

Thank you very much for reading. Please  remember this post, the next time, you go teasing, insulting or mocking a celebrity. Thank you so much for reading and please share your comments below.

TheGhanaianBoy
@isavedhersoul

Stop Him! Mad Man! The State Of Mental Health In Ghana. #A2013Post

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Today, something very interesting happened on my way back home from town. You know in Ghana today, the mental institutions are filled to capacity with “people” and so therefore, there is no space to house more and the Government has not yet done anything about the plight of the “Crazies.” (Actually, we have just 2 mental institutions in Accra for a population of over 4 million people in the Nation’s Capital). What are the politicians we voted in power doing about Mental Health? I wonder guys..

Pathetic? Yes, I know right and so therefore, we have lunatics or mentally-challenged people roaming the streets of Accra. They bath on the highways, walk around stark naked, cross the roads indiscriminately, attack people on sidewalks and steal food from the food vendors. They can be found almost under any flyover or overheads in Accra (So much for Tourism Promotion?)

Yes. So today, I was walking and as usual, I came across a “mad man” walking in the opposite direction towards me. My inner self had this sorta prompting and so I crossed the street to the other side. There was a woman carrying bags walking behind me before I crossed the street, I did not know this until I had actually crossed. The “mad man” was talking to himself and throwing his hands about in the air. On getting close to the woman, he pressed her boobs.

Like Seriously, I was spell-bounded, shocked- any word in the dictionary which is synonymous to surprise could be used to describe that moment. A supposedly “mad person” knows where the soft spots of a woman is. Really? Seriously?

The victim of this ungodly act dropped her bags immediately and she started hurling insults at the “mad man” and all the “mad man” could do was to make faces and do “Bronx cheers” at her.

I watched closely and observed everything and a lot of questions were popping up in my head very quickly. “What if He slapped her?” “What if he was holding a sharp object like a knife?” “What if he forcibly grabbed the woman and tried to do something silly?” “What if this happened at night?” The “What Ifs” were many. I have actually heard of a sad story where the “mad man” gave a heavy unprovoked slap to a man walking by. The slap was so heavy, the victim lost some teeth.

Its very dangerous to have these characters roaming the streets of Accra and I am hoping the Authorities step up and do something about this menace. It may be just a fondle, but you never know what it will be the next time?” and my only advice to my readers, is this:
If you are ever walking, and you meet this “kinda people”. Just cross the street to the other side. It is for your own safety. Don’t try walking by them. They can do you a lot of harm.  Its very important!

Please don’t keep your thoughts in your head, share them in the comment box below.

TheGhanaianBoy
@isavedhersoul

The Prostitute/ Shashee/ Hooker/ Town Helper/ Whore Who Saved The World.

I am still in the International Women’s Day spirit. This past Saturday was International Women’s Day, a day to inspire girls and celebrate women’s achievements and, in many countries, an official holiday. I am not the only one, some Ghanaian television stations have declared March as the Month of The African Woman..

I have always maintained my argument anytime the issue of prostitution and whores (Ghanaian boys call them Shashees) pops up for discussion. I keep saying that the prostitutes of today are no longer the “Old Women” we all used to know. They are with us. Students by day, prostitutes at night. Bills, hostel fees, school fees have to be paid somehow and in this kind of economy we are in, they are using, what they have to get what they want/need.. That is not to say I support what they do but I am not condemning them either..

For some people, prostitution is just standing by the roadside, getting picked up by a flashy car, all for money. That is just as low as life can get for some many Ghanaian girls.
But history, as we know it is full of stories. Stories of prostitutes who used their skills to influence higher powers and society.. And they changed the world..

I am going to focus on just one of them and her name was Rahab.
Rahab The Prostitute:
Welcome to Jericho. Rahab probably came from a poor family with a sick, dying mother and a father who abandoned the family in search of smaller girls.. Lets also imagine, she has 3 younger siblings who were constantly sacked from school for not paying their school fees. Bills have to be paid, and so what does Rahab do?
She stands at street corners and dark places, granting sex favours to clients, all for the money to take care of her family..

But by all accounts, she was good at it too.. Because, by the time, she comes up in the Bible, she had her her own house and made a comfortable income by sleeping with men..

What made her great?
The Israelites were on their way to the Promised Land. They had been living in the desert for over 30 years and then God instructed them to take possession of Jericho. Joshua, the leader of the Israelites, sent out two spies to scout the City of Jericho. The two young Jews did their job and then sought refuge at Rahab’s house. The Bible did not state why they chose to stay there but it was obvious that, the two Jews were scouting the City to know its strengths and weaknesses.

The King of Jericho heard about the two spies and sent out his soldiers to look for them. Rahab hid the two men, and then convinced the soldiers, that the spies were hiding somewhere else..Because of Rahab’s smartness, the spies were able to bring important imformation back to Joshua which helped the Israelites conquer the City of Jericho..

That is right. Believe whatever you want to believe about the Bible but it is right there in the Old Testament, that the course of history was turned by a prostitute with a good heart. She saved the world and was saved from the destruction of Jericho herself..

God can use anybody, anytime, any day. You just have to avail yourself to Him wholeheartedly. It is not right to judge people and please keep that in mind, the next time, you are congratulating yourself for sleeping with a guy without asking for his money. Hypocrites Like Us..

TheGhanaianBoy‬
@isavedhersoul

Every Ghanaian Dad’s Nightmare: What if your Princess Jasmine brought home an Aladdin?

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Tomorrow is International Women’s Day to celebrate all women worldwide. The women who are fighting the cause for gender balance and equality, and who are struggling daily to make the world a better place to live in. I wish all women, a Happy International Women’s Day..

As a Ghanaian boy, born and bred in Ghana, I am aware of some of the customs and traditions of the Ghanaian People. Our mentality and the way we look at things is different from that of our Western brothers and sisters.
If I should pass a paper to my father to write down, his top 10 commandments for me, you will be surprised at some of the items on his list: Don’t go getting a girl pregnant, Don’t do drugs or alcohol, Don’t mingle or roll with people of certain tribal backgrounds and the rest.

Let me paint the picture for you:
Most Ghanaian children blessed with a television in their father’s living room have watched Aladdin and Jasmine on TV before. It is a very interesting cartoon where Princess Jasmine falls in love with a thief called Aladdin who has a blue Genie as his guide and a monkey for a friend. Princess Jasmine’s dad is the pompous but kind ruler of Agrabah, and Aladdin like I said earlier is just a petty street pickpocket.

This Disney cartoon set me thinking. So what if I become a father in future and then, my Princess Jasmine brings to my African home, an Aladdin and then she introduces him as the one she wants to marry and settle down with?? Maybe her Aladdin may not exactly be the Street thief like in the Disney Cartoon but let imagine if he is a poor boy with a lot of promise. An Aladdin for a son-in-law?

Imagine him sitting across the family dining table by my lovely daughter, and me, (in my spectacles) just staring and staring at him, scrutinizing him from head to toe, his dressings, his composure, and all other irrelevant details about him, just to get something negative to say about him, probably as the reasons not to accept him and break off their engagement..

Now let me tell you a story:
A night security guard, lets call him Henry, in my community was dating his Rich Master’s daughter secretly, and every night, when the night was cold, and all eyes were heavy with sleep in the house, she will tiptoe to the Security Guard room and make love to him. This was going on for well over 3 months without anybody noticing. Well, until one morning when the family woke up to the shocking news that, Kuukua was pregnant with Henry’s baby. All hell broke loose in the house. The Rich Man called it an abomination and wanted the child aborted immediately.. How could his “Princess Jasmine” stoop so low to sleep with an “Aladdin”? His wife resisted the idea and supported her daughter through her pregnancy period until delivery.

Our culture does not allow certain things: there is social segregation everywhere and a lot of tribal and ethnic differences. Some bad perceptions about some particular tribes, and there is no real inter marriages among some particular ethnic groups in Ghana. And Heaven Forbids, the daring ones,  who refuse to stick to such old fashioned mentality.
Gradually, the Rich Man started seeing what Kuukua saw in Henry and slowly but surely accepted him as his Son-in-law.. Rich Man supported him with a start-up company to manage and take care of his own family.

So what if my daughter brings home an Aladdin for a son-in-law? I will have no other choice than to accept him albeit some resistance. Everybody deserves a chance to prove themselves, and I will give the “Aladdin” that chance to prove himself. In the end, it really does not matter. If my daughter is happy. I am happy, and when the wedding is over, all they will be left with is each other; and the decision they made to be with each other. I can not stop true love. I may try but I will fail in the long run, and if I am unlucky, live with the resentment of my daughter forever.

True Love is the love that surpasses race, social status, logic, tribal backgrounds and skin color. It makes you do crazy things. True Love is what will cause you to close all barriers, look past what people will say, and what they will think, and concentrate on the other person. The one you want to be with. Your soul mate.

TheGhanaianBoy.
@isavedhersoul
@theghanaianboy

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Ghana At 57. The Journey So Far and a #SpokenWord Entitled Frustrations.

ImageOn 6th day of March, 1957, Ghana, my motherland was born. The independence of Ghana was declared by the Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah after a hard fought battle from The British Colonial Rule . On that day, the Ghana National Anthem was played for the first time and it was such a joyous occasion for all Ghanaians. I have heard the Independence tape severally and seen it a couple of times on TV, and the atmosphere was one of togetherness and love.

Dr. Kwame Nkrumah was hell burnt of proving to the White Man that, The Black Man was capable of managing his own affairs and he did prove it as the first president of Ghana, before he passed away. He built 200 State Owned Enterprises, the Akosombo Hydro Electric Dam which until recently was the only source of Electricity in Ghana, The Tema Motorway, Universities, just to mention a few of his achievements and Ghana back then, was described as The Gate Way To Africa.

Fast Forward, 57 years later and where are we as a people? We have had Military Regimes intermittently up until 1992 when the 1992 Constitution came in being and Ghana chartered a course towards Democracy. Where we are as a people now, is not where The Osagyefo envisaged Ghana to be in 57 years. Malaysia had independence, just about the same time as Ghana but Malaysia in 50+ years has become an Asian Tiger. A powerhouse. Where did we go wrong as a people??

Bad Economic Management over the years, Foreign Imposed Policies and over dependence on foreign aid, huge trade deficits, the lack of Visionary Leadership and  Corruption among top public officials are some of the major reasons to blame for our Problems. The Osagyefo maybe turning in his grave and weeping. This is not the Ghana, he envisaged in 57 years. But it is well. The Current Administration (led by John Dramani Mahama) is promising a change of direction like all the previous administrations. For once, we need clear cut plans, ideas and policies to propel this country Ghana to The Promised Land. Mahama says he is the Moses, only time will tell whether he truly is or otherwise.

The Constant Power Outages, the almost non- existent water supply, the bad roads, corruption, bad economic management, the drastic depreciation of the Ghanaian Cedi to other international currencies. huge housing deficits, high bank interest rates are Ghana at 57 problems. So I wrote a #SpokenWord which I will hopefully record with the right instrumentals later, I entitled it “Frustrations” and here it goes.:

Frustrations:
I don’t call this a poem. Its #SpokenWord. I call it “Frustrations” and its Dedicated To John Dramani Mahama.. 🙂

This economy is full of frustration.
Spreading very fast over our desperate nation.
Ghanaians tuning in to Radio Stations.
Where is the fat salary? What is my motivation?

The government may be lying. Giving misinformation.
And the MPs say nothing. They are supposed to be our representation.
it pisses me off. Call that my irritation.
We need to take to the streets. Hold demonstrations.

To vent our anger. Our everyday frustrations.
Mahama, please try and remove all the complications.
Pave the way, make it smooth for us- Determination!
Provide us our basic needs- Self actualization!

Everybody now, is talking about free education..
Really, It is a just a waste of public attention..
I honestly believe, that requires a lot of preparation.
Where is Ghana heading? What  is our future destination?

Whats happeneing to our denomination?
The cedi is losing its value- Depreciation!
I am sick of all the speeches and presentations
Most are them are untrue- pure exaggerations.

Pastors preaching to their congregation.
Jesus is coming soon. We all need salvation..
In this country full of corruption..
Repent! Repent! A brother is reading Revelations.

Getting fed up of this situation.
Light Off. Light On. Power interruptions.
ECG have a funny way of showing their affection
No water supply? I get the deep connection..

What we need is real transformation
25 million Ghanaians. A believing population..
We are not loooking for perfection.
We are hoping for economic redemption.
I dream of a better Ghana- Beautiful Illustrations!

Nii Aryee
March 5, 2014..

Those are some of my thoughts about Ghana @ 57. I hope things get better soon, so that on Ghana @ 58. I will have many positive things to write about. Long Live Ghana! Happy Birthday Ghana!! Long Live The Legacy Of The Osagyefo!!

Below are some random pictures related to Ghana. Thank you for reading. God Bless Us All.. Its @isavedhersoul on twitter..

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Diary Of A Ghanaian Househelp: E03 Intentions

Dear Diary,
Today is 23th February. Well, I was sitting in the living room earlier today, watching television with a glass of juice in one hand. There was nothing positive showing on television except for those music videos with girls in seductive clothes, shaking their bum-bum. But I was enjoying myself. It was such a refreshing feeling- the feeling of feeling like Madam in her absence. The music from the television was extremely loud and so I did not hear the car horn toot its way into the house. Abaga, the watchman at the gate failed to alert me but my instincts were right. Madam and Uncle had arrived.

Come and see speed. Even Usain Bolt got nothing on me. I quickly put off the television, emptied the remaining contents of the glass in the kitchen sink and then ran towards the gate all in the space of 60secs. Pretty Fast Huh? Madam together with her husband had just returned from the Shopping Mall but all did not seem or look calm. Maybe they had one of their usual family arguments on their way back because as I tried to help Madam with her bag, she brushed me off and walked angrily into the house! See me, see trouble..

“Akua- come over here and help me with the stuff in the boot?” That was Mr Sackey’s voice. He has been very nice to me and he treats me like I am his daughter. He opened the car boot and then I carried a very heavy box out of the boot and headed for the main entrance. Uncle Sackey then chipped in, that He had bought something special for me and I should see him later for it..

Come see me smiling plenty plenty. “Oh Thank You Uncle. God Bless You” “Hold The blessings Akua for now, maybe if you like what I got for you, then you can start showing appreciation” I started feeling awkward but I brushed the awkwardness away and made my way into the house. Not even madam and her tantrums could ruin my happiness. I later found out that, the heavy box was a Baby Cot for Justin- Madam’s baby.. Hmmmm.. See the way, the rich spoil their kids. Come see baby, enjoying baby cot all around the place.

I retired to the kitchen for the next two hours preparing supper for the family and still thinking about the present or maybe presents, Uncle got for me. I like the man. He is very handsome and gentle and sometimes, I think Christie (Oh Yeah, I have called that witch by her first name!) does not deserve him. Abaga who has known the family for a very long time, said Uncle was forced to marry Christie after her parents found out, she was carrying his baby to prevent shame on their family name.

I served the family at 6pm and then went back to the Kitchen to eat my own food. For some strange reason, Madam did not join the family and retired early to bed. That was when it happened:

Uncle Sackey called me to the living room after 8pm to show me the gifts he got me. “Look in the bag and then tell me if you like them” Eagerly I did and it was bras and some thin threadlike panties which he called “G-String” “Eiiii Ewurade Yesu. G- What? How could he buy these kind of items for me? What was he trying to say or imply? Or he has been spying my undergarments when I wash and hang them on the drying line?

“Do you like them, Akua?” I did not respond. I was shocked. Maybe that caused my sudden dumbness. “Do you like them?” He repeated his question again. “Uncle, honestly I do not know what to say?” “What to say about what??” I turned around to see Auntie Christie staring directly at me.. “Can somebody please tell me what the hell is going on here?”

Uncle got up calmly from his seat, held her hands, looked her in the eye, and started kissing her all over. “Why are you still standing there? Stupid Maid!!”  I disappeared to my room with the bag. I was damn lucky Madam was not smart or observant enough to ask about the contents in the bag. He called them- “His intention gift”

“Very Funny Uncle Sackey. I am not interested in sleeping with you” – I kept repeating to myself. I must return his gifts back to him tomorrow morning and say a BLATANT NO TO HIM! Meanwhile in the living room, I knew Uncle Sackey had cleverly lied to Madam. And speaking of the devil- “Akua!” “Akua!” ‘Madam!” I ran back to the living room.. “Oh dear, I am sorry for my earlier outburst- I did not know my husband and you were planning a surprise party for me”

The confusion on my face was clearly visible and I could see laughter forming on the corner of Uncle’s mouth. Maybe I should start calling him by his first name John, because after tonight- I have officially lost all respect for him.. I miss my mother. I miss her wise counsel in situations like this. Lord, Please be my Guide.

@isavedhersoul on twitter and please don’t keep the comments in your head and thank you for taking time off to read..