Personally, I don’t care if you judge me after reading this post. The truth is, I felt like writing on a sensitive social topic and then, the issue of pornography came to mind. What you need to understand is this; that I am a normal, hyperactive boy like you, but there are times when you need to write on sensitive topics, no matter how uncomfortable it looks, so other people will learn from it. Nobody is perfect, we all need Grace.
The definition of porn is the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement. Material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement. The depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction.
Porn is something that seems normal, today. Porn is now taught as healthy and normal for boys and girls to begin using and continue to use for the rest of their life. Even with all the campaigning that says it exploits women and girls, even with all the preaching calling it sinful, even with scientific evidence saying that it is addictive and destructive, even more addictive then drugs, even changing your brain physically, even destructively destroying many marriages and families, it still is, according to Forbes, a $14 BILLION industry today. Yet, most people believe that humans are basically good, even when we have a whole industry that make a huge profit off of, porn.
The first time I looked at porn, I was in SHS. For some of my peers at that time, my first time was even pretty late. I remember for a period of time, I carefully watched porn almost everyday. I think for me, I had it backwards. The urge to touch myself was real, but I can’t remember how I was able to not touch myself, but I didn’t. I think because I thought it was dirty and “sinful”. But because of this thinking I was able to justify watching porn because I wasn’t “doing” anything wrong (This thinking was terribly flawed as it goes against many principles of God’s Word). My porn addiction got more and more erotic. It was leading me into many different venues of porn that I never thought I could imagine, let alone watch. It was getting more and more explicit and nothing was off limits.
My parents never found out, but I knew, I was not only was sinning against God, but I also had sinned against my parents and disappointed them. My thoughts were damaged and scarred from that period of constantly watching porn.
It was not easy to kick the habit. It still is not easy because truthfully, there are some days when I still have desires to see porn. It comes out in a little voice saying “Oh come on, nobody is here, download it, you can not keep your streak” Its really hard to keep those negative feelings in check.
But the devil is the greatest deceiver because right after, you start to watch, the shame and guilt creeps in. You feel sorry. You feel guilty. You feel like, you are such a disappointment to God, like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, grabbing leaves and hiding. You feel so bad, can’t read the Bible or face God.
I still feel part of my damage is that I am not totally giving myself to God. I am still holding on, trying to fight it myself. I feel, I have to take responsibility for my actions. From an honesty point-of-view, I’m just trying to get through each and everyday. I am just asking God for forgiveness. I am not my own; I was bought with a price. The Grace of God is what sustains me.
Psalm 23: He guides me along the right path for his name’s sake. Even though, I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil”
No matter how tempting pornography looks, please stay away from from it. Porn is evil. Do not be deceived.